“Banana” is a a derogatory term used to describe an Americanized Asian.

I was born in Wuhan, China but was adopted at 13 months old and brought to Oakland, California. I don’t know anything about my birth parents but honestly, my adoptive parents have always felt like my real parents. My dad is white from Los Angeles and raised my sister and I Jewish, while my mom is Chinese from Hong Kong and taught us all about Chinese traditions. This made for an extremely exciting and confusing mix of cultures growing up.

While the Bay Area is diverse, I was still largely surrounded by non-Asian communities growing up and my sister and I attended a private Jewish school (which was predominantly white) for 2nd through 8th grade. I still get a lot of exposure to my Chinese roots through my mom and her side of the family who are mostly all based in the Bay Area but I lack fluency in Cantonese so it becomes hard to fully connect, especially with my grandparents as they speak very little English.

I often feel between worlds and that comes to light when I try to order food in Chinatown and the servers take someone else's order before me.

This sculpture of a banana, which is white on the inside and yellow on the outside is a conceptual self-portrait of guilt, shame, humor, reverence, and pride.

Nowadays, I’ve accepted and learned to embrace all sides of myself, though I still find myself code-switching or having a “plural personality” and merely tolerating all my contradictions. I fear a lack of complete understanding while being grateful that I have so many perspectives to learn and teach from.